The Adventures Of Fatrick: McDonald’s Big America California Burger

March 15, 2010

At last this wretched quest ends with the symbolic return to my home state. The excitement I had when this promotion began (“oooooh, it has BBQ sauce AND onions!”) quickly turned to routine (“the Hawaii burger is out, I’ll pencil that in for Friday”) before ending on a note of tepidness (“I GUESS I’ll eat the California Burger”). A new-found commitment to live slightly healthier in 2010 also sidetracked my enthusiasm for this fast-food odyssey, though to be honest I had nowhere to go but up after my college diet which routinely consisted of Chipotle, Burger King and a particularly greasy Philly Cheesesteak store with the best damned fried dough ever. Here, at the very end, I just want to consume the California Burger and return to my bland culinary life of white rice and spaghetti.

Still, I had to eat it. The California Burger follows the same template of the New York Burger, eschewing near-novelty features (an egg, an extra bun) for a relatively simple burger topped with unique sauce. This model came with a “wine sauce,” in honor of California’s wine industry. From the outside, it looked totally normal save for a slightly different bun. How did it taste?

Maybe doing this faux-culinary tour of America through McDonald’s has just broken my taste buds down, but the California Burger tasted terribly normal. The wine sauce had a very potent effect (surprisingly spicy, like adding some pepper to the top of ketchup) which was great. Shame they put very little on. Everything else was very basic for a McDonald’s hamburger…which isn’t a good thing unless it’s slathered in secret sauce or greasy cheese. This had neither. To fill my quota of state-related jokes, you could say the California Burger was bankrupt on taste.

Thus ends the Big America Burger saga. What have I learned? America equals lukewarm bacon and goofy culinary add-ons. Sounds about right.

(Japanese Fun Fact #49: Japan doesn’t have an army. Go read a history book and/or Wikipedia for more on that. But they do have the Japan Self-Defense Force!

Just like a real military, this ad appears right across from my junior high school in order to convince impressionable kids to sign up. Still, it’s not terrible because Japan isn’t, ya know, wrapped up in any meaningless wars at the moment.)

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